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(Notes from the heart)

 The following is a selection of ‘Notes from the Heart’ written by parents following completion of my Program. These notes are often the catalyst of changed attitudes and behaviours related to participants thinking and their approach to healing fractured relationships with their children. New beginnings come from these notes. It begins with us.

 

‘I’m Sorry’

In the past, I truly believed that I was capable of’ fixing’ your illness.

Now, I realize that I have been trying to push you to do things my way without asking you how you felt about it. For that, I am truly sorry.

I know that you are more than capable of making your own decisions about your life, and I have faith in you, that you will choose to do what’s right for you at all times.

I want you to know that I love you very much, and that I will help you in any way that I can. However, I will not pay any more of your bills nor give you money which is unearned or undeserved. Hugs

 

‘Forgive Me’

In the past I have felt exhausted from protecting, manipulating and covering up for you. I need to step back from trying to ‘fix’ your problems and let you get on with the business of running your own life.

I know you’re more than capable of solving your own problems, and I understand that it is normal to want to do so.

Forgive Me.

 

‘I’ll Listen’

Finally I’ve got it!  The time has come for me to take the cotton wool out of my ears and listen to what you have to say to me, instead of jumping in before you’ve finished.

From now on, I’ll try to:

Stop jumping in to give you advice

Stop telling you, you shouldn’t feel that way

Stop feeling I have to do something to solve your problem.

In future, I’m simply going to do what you have always asked me to do – I’ll just ‘Listen’

 

‘I Was Wrong’

It’s time for me to bite the bullet, and stop trying to live your life.

It’s going to be hard, because I’ve been trying to make you live up to my own dreams and expectations. Instead of making things better, it’s actually stopped both of us from moving forward with our lives. I know I was wrong, and I apologize.

I now understand that for our relationship to grow, I need to start addressing my own issues and understand why I keep trying to live your life.

I don’t want to stand in the way of our relationship becoming even stronger.

I love you.

 

‘You’re Special’

I have tried every possible way I know of to try to get you to do what I want, because I am terrified of what might happen to you, and because I thought my way was the only way.

From now on, I’m not going to interfere with the choices you make because I know you’re very capable, and I know you’ll do what’s right for you.

I love you.

 

‘Bless You’

For too long I have tried to control your life, in the hope that I could fix your problems and stop my pain, because my dream of ‘happy family’ wasn’t happening. I was wrong, and I am truly sorry! You have a right to your life, and a right to fulfil your dreams of who you want to be. I just want you to know that you are a very precious soul, and I am so grateful that you arein my life. I know you are more than capable of living you own life, and I know you’ll do what’s right for you.

I’m here if you need me.

 

If

If I could turn back time and take back the words I used as weapons against youas I struggled to accept your being anything less than how I thought you ‘should’ beI would.

I am so sorry for my behaviours:

For closing my ears to your pain and resentment towards my actionsFor not taking responsibility for my own behaviors when you so needed me to sit quietly by your side and simply ‘listen’,

Or hug you tightly to reassure you that I am here for you.

I want you to know that I am your greatest fan!

That I will tell you how much I value you being in my life - more often.

Because you matter a great deal to me.

I do love you.

 

Thank you

Sometimes in the still of night as I wrestle with sleep, I reflect on my life and how rich it is from having you in it.

You have taught me more about myself than I ever could have imaginedThe triumphs, challenges and moments of griefHave all been made more bearable because you care.

Thank you for being in my life.

 

Our relationship matters

For the first time I feel as though I am discovering who I amand this feeling is exhilarating!

I have not been perfect and I will never be perfectbut I am trying to be more honest in my relationship with youso that we can connect more deeply without reacting to old hurts and pain.

I value your laughter and humor as well as your gentleness and caring.

Please be patient with me as I discover myself and how much you truly mean to me.

 

I remember when

I remember back to when you were a wee little person

And you ran through our front door with a glorious painting clutched in your hands to show me.

How proud you were to tell me all about this great masterpiece and how it needed to take pride of place on our refrigerator door for all the world to see!

My heart swelled with such joy watching how excited you were – your eyes dancing and that little giggle of yours.

It was a beautiful day.

That’s just one of the days that is captured in my heart forever,

and that precious spot there is yours for always.

You are such a gift to my life that I so treasure.    

Bless you.

 

My child in recovery………

When you were small, it was so much easier for me to step back and encourage you to take your first independent steps, than it is for me to step back today. And yet my faith and belief in you is so much stronger than it was then. Today I know the magic that you are and the determination you possess to remain in control of your life.

I will work on my need to be a care-taker rather than a care giverand as I break this old habit I will be more observant, more In tune with and more supportive of your autonomy.

As a parent who loves you dearly, I will focus on listening to what you need, want and feel so that we can know each other more deeply – not what I think I know of you, because you are changing daily.

Please remind me when I overstep your boundaries and encourage me to step back and take responsibility for my behaviours.

You are gloriously divine!

 

Time to get honest

I need to get honest with you because so often I have thrashed, shouted and raged at you to take responsibility for your behaviors and yet it is I who must now take my own advice and stop blaming you for all my perceived hurts and despair.

Life has a strange way of teaching us through hardship, the lessons that are designed to guide us to grow and develop into the strong, resilient people we need to be to find peace and acceptance within ourselves.

I thank you for your patience and for being one of my Master Teachers.

I release you with love and gratitude from the responsibility of making me happy, because I realize that is my responsibility and not yours.

I think I am ready to support you on your journey with greater compassion and empathy, and to set healthy boundaries for myself so I don’t become a screaming wreck, and so you can understand what acceptable and not acceptable behavior towards me is.

I will focus on loving you as the amazing gift that you are in my life.

Love you.  

 

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